Yes, it’s true. Nadya Suleman an her brood of 14 will soon be our neighbors. In fact, some of her kids will go to school with Gavin very soon.
My first response was pure irritation. I’ve been extremely P*’d off by the fact that our neighborhood and schools will soon turn into a media circus. I’ve made all kinds of snide and sarcastic remarks about it to my friends and family, but there’s more to it than that.
This morning I was sitting reading a book and a line jumped out at me that totally pierced me in the gut.
“Judging requires that you think yourself superior to the one you judge”.
Not only was I judging her, speculating about all of her motives but I was downright resentful. I’d been instantly agitated at the mention of her name. I needed to do some self examination to find the source of my resentment.
Perhaps it was the 12 years we struggled, or the thousands of dollars we spent trying to conceive just one child, or the fact that there was no one able (though not for lack of willingness) to help up in our quest, not even the insurance company.
Was it because the home that her father bought for her came so easily or that it is bigger and nicer than mine? I was hoping that I wasn’t really that shallow but I had to ask myself if I felt that I somehow deserved it more because buying our small little home was tragically only made possible due to my mother’s death? Such a small house at such a huge cost. Even harder for me because I know how she struggled for years to make her insurance payments that I might someday have a home to call my own. Small true, but such a precious gift. Someday I will squeeze her and thank her for the many sacrafices she and my dad made.
I don’t know the exact origin of my intense dislike for the woman. It’s probably been a combination of many issues, issues that are completely and undeniably mine. None of them have anything to do with her personally.
I was judging her through my own self pity. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I rationalized that my struggles somehow elevated me to a higher level of entitlement, while she is certainly just trying to milk the system.
Over the past couple of months I’ve heard many people start sentences about her with…..”Who in their right mind….” And that’s just it isn’t it? No one in their right mind would embark on mothering 14 children alone. It’s such a twisted concept of “family”.
I really started feeling sorry for her when at last I realized that some deep, sad, empty and haunting childhood dysfunction is being manifested in birthing more than a dozen children. And how much more will she be messed up when she realizes that surrounding herself with chaos has done nothing to lessen that deep aching loneliness? Her past struggles and undoubtedly, future struggles tremendously outweigh anything I’ve ever experienced.
And what about the kids? Many are not well and will have a lifetime of complications. They will be followed, stalked and made fun of for years to come. They will never, ever know what most consider “normal”.
I am so humbled today and am made aware again of how wonderfully my life has turned out and I’m ashamed to say that I still at times fall into such self pity and false deservedness. Everyone has dark days, but so much good can emerge from them when you’re facing the right direction.
Today, I’m choosing to live without resentment or comparisons of any kind. Today I’m choosing to simply “care” and love my neighbor as myself.
Life is too short to get hung up on someone else’s issues. I want to fill my house with love, joy and compassion for others everyday. Not only for myself, but for the “past” I’m creating today for my own family.
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